Innocence.
I remember it well. When the mind only saw the surface, and never meant to interpret it. When i never saw anything bad underlying things when they appear different, and I just laugh it off as a bad joke. When my neighbour wore her shirt tighter than the rest, when her skirt was shorter than mine. I was 6 and she was 12. When my friend's sister had a protruding stomach at 16. When that little girl sat on that older man's lap in his car . When the girl and the boy sat at the foot of the stairs..

I never saw anything weird about these things. And now that i have a super open-mind, I see things differently, and i tend to silently judge. I think no one can help it.. it just happens subconsciously.

And now, i feel the negativeness(is there such a word?) of it. With an open-mind, comes the label - an overly matured person. People think you think differently, and that you can take things beyond your limits. If you thought this was some reminiscent post, you're wrong. 'Cause I'm seriously disturbed. And annoyed.

My afternoon naps have never been irritating. And this afternoon it was. Thanks to it I woke with a bad feeling in my stomach.

Unspoken Tension
I feel like killing myself. No I am not suicidal, I just need to point this accusing finger at my goddamn nose to make me feel better. I could just wrap my fingers around my neck and squeeze it; wringing out all the guilt i have in me. If only i could turn back time, undo things.

But then, we were taught never to dwell on the could've should've would've been, yes?