28 July 2008 1:54 AM
Let's keep looking from this end of the drive
I have been staring, somewhat with guilt, at this space of mine and I'm always wishing I had something to say. Of course I do, of course I did, but for the fact that I've spent my week running around with this mammoth of a laptop meeting punctuality and chasing deadlines, I've knocked the air out of my lungs. And to conclude my pretty pretty week I've knocked myself over and spent my weekend in bed.
Guilt because I should be in bed, guilt because I have left this space stagnant, guilt because I have so much more to do and yet I'm here frowning, and guilt because I'm pouring things here like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders when in fact I don't even know how that really goes.
Whatever illness that's ridiculing me now is taking its toll and I think its best you shut up, asshole. I'm very sick and I'm very tired and whatever it is, just give me one good blow and be done with it. I've made my trip down to the clinic and merry happy, I've a list of tests to do lest you decide to dissolve your sorry ass and leave me alone. The doctor gives me the sidelong look he might as well be straight and ask me if I'm stressed or if I'm pregnant or if I'm on drugs or if i worship Paris Hilton. My mum holds my hand and walks me everywhere and instead of feeling like a blessed loved child I feel like I'm 80 years old.
And needless to say, my brother eventually headed off to Tekong and its been a couple of days yet I miss him like he's been gone for years. When he was leaving that morning I hadn't slept a wink, I commented I felt like puking and the only love I got was a pinch on the nose and a Be good that was said with plenty of distractions. And he was out the door.
I'll see you soon, with a sweeter reason, and with pictures too, when my head stops spinning with the world.
I have been staring, somewhat with guilt, at this space of mine and I'm always wishing I had something to say. Of course I do, of course I did, but for the fact that I've spent my week running around with this mammoth of a laptop meeting punctuality and chasing deadlines, I've knocked the air out of my lungs. And to conclude my pretty pretty week I've knocked myself over and spent my weekend in bed.
Guilt because I should be in bed, guilt because I have left this space stagnant, guilt because I have so much more to do and yet I'm here frowning, and guilt because I'm pouring things here like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders when in fact I don't even know how that really goes.
Whatever illness that's ridiculing me now is taking its toll and I think its best you shut up, asshole. I'm very sick and I'm very tired and whatever it is, just give me one good blow and be done with it. I've made my trip down to the clinic and merry happy, I've a list of tests to do lest you decide to dissolve your sorry ass and leave me alone. The doctor gives me the sidelong look he might as well be straight and ask me if I'm stressed or if I'm pregnant or if I'm on drugs or if i worship Paris Hilton. My mum holds my hand and walks me everywhere and instead of feeling like a blessed loved child I feel like I'm 80 years old.
And needless to say, my brother eventually headed off to Tekong and its been a couple of days yet I miss him like he's been gone for years. When he was leaving that morning I hadn't slept a wink, I commented I felt like puking and the only love I got was a pinch on the nose and a Be good that was said with plenty of distractions. And he was out the door.
I'll see you soon, with a sweeter reason, and with pictures too, when my head stops spinning with the world.
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play
