Too close for comfort

I've had this naive notion that whenever I decide to change for the better, or the worst at times, the world changes with me. I had thought that maybe when I exaggerate my efforts to turn over a new leaf the world will be renewed together with my confidence and positive motive of the moment. But you see I've come to realise that while I change, other things change too and in the end everything looks so brand new and so unfamiliar it becomes unsettling. I can control what I change but I cannot change what is beyond my control. Which thus leads to my constant discontentment and disgusting act of dreaming of what-ifs.

I woke up today thinking if I was dealing right with the changes in my life. What a whirlwind its been - starting fresh, growing up, falling down, picking up and then getting lost. I must admit it has hit me a couple of times if the changes were inevitable, if they were consequences, or if they were sculptured by my adolescent idleness and naivety. Sometimes I think I think too much, pondering on things that have a solid conclusion and leave no space for compromise. There's been too much talk about life, somehow the right-est thing to say would be to lighten up. (:



That sums up week 3. I could vividly remember how school had been better, without it being necessarily anticipated. Now school's simply rolling by with the driest of modules and the most teeth grinding drama. Sometimes it makes you the audience, where you watch and comment, whether inwardly or outrageously, and sometimes you're just stuck in the juiciest bit.

I guess I could consider myself lucky, I got this far, but I think I would have been luckier if I was in the director's seat of my life and called for the CUT and going back to scenes 3 and 4 where I was happier.

Did you see that, then? The words life, and if.? I've infamously done it again.

Bravo. Dreams are dreams alone. Dreams, are for the night.