Its April, which more often than naught gets forgotten on my calendar. April appears to be the unwanted extra month, getting in the way of May, which indirectly means getting in the way of me getting my hands on my certificate. Its another month of nothingness I suppose, the agenda is never quite filled to the brim and I'm often pining for the old sense of productivity that came with school assignments and project work. This time, the only productivity only comes in terms of sending resumes like they were generous raindrops, and this is, to be honest, done out of boredom.

I'm losing track of time; days and dates, and the only thing that keeps me on track is the newspaper, or more irritatingly, the TV Page. I like to skip right into that, politics is never my cup of tea.

Me: I miss school. I miss the old times.
Mum: Are you sure? Sounds funny.
Me: I miss having something to do, some small goal to achieve everyday. Friends and all..
Safi: Yeah, and then when you start working you'd come back saying you hate work and you wish you didn't have to go to work and..
Me: I said school. I miss going to school, didn't you hear me?

It went to a screeching halt I suppose. Side tracked lectures and informal tutorials, the fun and laughter, crowded lunchtimes and loud walks home. School's over. When life evolves and your world seems to forcefully shift up one level, what do you do? How do you react?

I go with the flow.

* * *

Sometimes, you make me want to go haywire. To break the mould and be those kids that got high on sticks and drank behind their mother's back, hoping for that temporary release from the things that confuse them and complicate their youthful happiness. I send myself to the doorstep of twisted dreams only to turn away when I look upon the faces of the people that cherish me the most, which I think according to you includes you. I'm not naming what's worth, but I need to keep a clear head, maybe for the both of us.

i don't like to be sentimental, to be emotional, because I think these things cloud the mind better than any drug. Sounds cheesy, no?