Out there, guts and armor

Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life. You give them a piece of you. They didn’t ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like smile at you, and then your life isn’t your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like ‘maybe we should be just friends’ turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It’s a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.

There are risks you need to take, everyday of your life. We're faced with the burden of choice, weighing the risks worth taking. Every risk has its corner, and with it we negotiate the bends in our lives, confident or no. We are given the privilege, with a functional brain, of choice. Be it a curse or a blessing.

I used to think love, isn't much of a choice. In a way, you don't choose to switch off. You don't get to choose to be immune of its charms. It either gets you, or it doesn't, on purpose. It is your choice, however, to react to it. To push away, or to accept what you deserve.

But, I'm afraid, denying yourself love is one heck of a stupid act.